Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying

Intrepid warblogger Michelle Malkin has exposed the deception, the lies, the manipulation, the rumors that is the Associated Press today. This factanista of a blogger, this selfless wanderer, this hero to all journalists has saved the world from the lies and distortions that the Associated Press feeds unsuspecting millions every day.

For me personally, she nearly rivals the inimitable Debbie Schlussel for exposing the fake news that we are fed constantly by the so-called mainstream media and the liberal blogosphere.

It is with much admiration for her craft that I present to you, the humble reader, the truth in Iraq according to Ms. Malkin (but brace yourself, this will change everything):

WELL, the Iraqi Ministry of Interior says disputed Associated Press source Jamil Hussein does exist. But at least one story he told the AP just doesn’t check out: The Sunni mosques that as Hussein claimed and AP reported as "destroyed," "torched" and "burned and [blown] up" are all still standing. So the credibility of every AP story relying on Jamil Hussein remains dubious.

So what if the Associated Press actually was correct about a certain Mr. Jamil Hussein. So what if Ms. Malkin and her wingnut friends were embarrassed, nay, humiliated, by their wingnuttery. Now, the wingnuts are still standing just like those mosques in Iraq.

You see, apparently the Associated Press, in their initial version of the report on Sunnis being burned alive, claimed that mosques in the area had also been "destroyed" and subsequently changed "destroyed" to "burned". The reports I have read of the incident all use the word "burned" but Ms. Malkin states that the first report off the AP wire said "destroyed". I am too cheap to pay for Lexis/Nexis to verify the claim so I will just take her word for it.

This woman, Ms. Malkin that is, has been there and provides this bit of on-the-ground reporting that wimps like Michael Ware just are too afraid to provide:

Well, Bryan Preston and I visited the area during our Iraq trip last week. Several mosques did, in fact, come under attack by Mahdi Army forces. But the "destroyed" mosques all still stand. Iraqi and U.S. Army officials say that two of them received no fire damage whatsoever. Another, which we filmed, was abandoned and empty when it was attacked.

So, you see, the mosques were attacked, but not DESTROYED. They may have been burned, but they were not DESTROYED. Take that, Associated Press.

Obviously the Associated Press cannot be trusted since they said "destroyed" on one version of the story instead of "burned":

And if this one doesn’t, how many others don’t? As AP exec Carroll herself said, "AP runs hundreds of stories a day, and has run thousands of stories about things that have happened in Iraq." Jamil Hussein supplied the AP with information for scores of stories, not just this faulty one. Rumor-based reporting serves no one’s interests but those who would see Iraq fail.

The Associated Press and its rumor-based reporting only helps the enemy. I think it is time to reconsider the notion that Iraq is in turmoil. I think some fresh reporting from there might show that we are indeed being greeted as liberators and the flowers at our soldiers’ feet are piling up.

Of course, everyone knows that Iraqis are a lazy, lying, manipulative, rumor-mongering bunch of "fleas". As Michelle Malkin points out:

Winning the counterinsurgency battle is not just about keeping Iraqis safe. It’s about keeping Americans safe–by sending a message that the mightiest military in the world cannot and will not be outwitted and outlasted by the fleas.

And these "fleas" are in serious need of dentistry, according to a soldier quoted by Ms. Malkin:

"So, rumors on the street Iraqis will take at face value. Trying to get them to do investigations is like pulling teeth out of their head."

So, as you can see, Michelle Malkin, having been humiliated in the past, has finally broken up the Associated Press’ pattern of rumors and falsehoods. This is the kind of dogged reporting we should all encourage from our wingnut friends. I applaud Ms. Malkin for her trip to Iraq. Only sad part about her whole Iraq trip is that she has returned before the war has ended. I think all wingnuts should travel to Iraq and stay and report from there until the war is over. They would be doing this nation a service.

Oh, one more thing. Michelle Malkin’s reporting has inspired me. I was reading her wonderful post on this topic and started to carefully study the photographs she posted. I made an amazing discovery as demonstrated in the image below.

The picture on the left of the image is a portion of one of the pictures Ms. Malkin posted on her blog. The picture is a portion of a photograph taken in Baghdad showing a man speaking to Iraqi army officers. The picture to the right of the image is that of Bashar al-Assad, the president of Syria. I find the similarities between the man in the picture on the left and the picture of Assad on the right remarkably similar. Could it be that the Syrians have infiltrated the Iraqi army? Could it be that Assad is hiding out in Iraq? Could it? Doesn’t someone need to investigate this? Who on the wingnut blogosphere will take up this task? Who??? (By the way, if the guy turns out to be Assad, I want all the wingnuts to know that I broke the news first!) Now get to work exposing the truth!

President Bush looked at the polls that he doesn’t read and thought he found the escape hatch. The idea was simple enough: Find an issue, any issue, that will distract the American public from the carnage in Iraq, the scandals in Washington and the erosion of civil liberties all over the American landscape. After the cavalcade of bad news last week and over the weekend, the Administration needed a good prime time Oval Office speech to take control of the news cycle. To that end, Mr. Bush delivered a moribund speech on immigration and border security.

Mr. Bush read off the teleprompter the issue that was billed as the highlight of the speech. He will put 6000 National Guard troops on the border. But then he threw us a curveball by telling us that they won’t actually be doing the guarding. The Guard will support the Border Patrol instead in administrative functions. Apparently, someone must have explained to the President that M-16 slugs embedded in the body of a mother and child crossing the border would make for really bad press.

The other highlight of the speech was Mr. Bush’s call for a tamper proof national ID card for illegal aliens to cut down on the use of forged documents. I am not clear as to what prevents the illegal aliens from now forging driver’s licenses and social security cards and claiming that they are citizens. I suppose in their haste to change the subject the big thinkers in the White House didn’t have time to think this one through.

Mr. Bush is caught between the two wings of his own party. He tried to thread the needle tonight but the only people pleased with his speech are likely to be Democrats on the Hill. Mr. Bush, as he famously stated once, does not do nuance well. There was too much nuance in this speech for his hard-core base of 29%. He had something for everyone. He wanted a comprehensive solution to immigration reform - he offered guns (not quite) and butter. He was not being the decider that the 29% wanted and expected him to be. So, I think the likely outcome of this speech will be that some of the remaining 29% will leave him now.

The early indications from the rabid and the xenophobic appear to suggest that Mr. Bush would have been better served spending the 8 o’ clock hour baking cookies or blowing something up. Michelle Malkin’s post on the speech is entitled "Same old, Same old" and she complains:

The only good thing about watching the speech was getting to watch it in the Fox News green room with Colorado GOP Rep. Tom Tancredo, a stalwart immigration enforcement advocate. It was nice to have someone to shake heads along with as empty platitude and platitude was laid on thick.

The ever-charming Debbie Schlussel has not blogged since the speech as she is tied up with Joe Scarborough at the moment. But she did have a preview blog entitled "Immigration BS Eve: A Few Questions for the Prez" where she did not sound all too pleased with this evening’s festivities:

On Immigration Pretense Eve (that means the calm before the giant Presidential immigration BS), we have a few questions for President Bush–in light of his decision to use the National Guard on the border–that we doubt he’ll answer tonight:

[I’ll skip the questions; you can read them on her blog. They are really not all that important.]

…

The best thing that could happen: Bush does not get the amnesty a/k/a guest worker program that he wants and the bill does not pass. If he thinks getting "tough" (for now) on the border will make those of us in his conservative base ease up on our opposition to more amnesty, he’s delusional.

And maybe he is.

Mr. President, I think that your base is leaving you. It is time to turn your weary eyes toward Iran.

I think there is some sort of Illegal Alien Apocalypse happening today. At least that’s what I gather reading the right-winger blogs. I turned on the news and what I saw mostly was parents and children, immigrants and Americans, marching, protesting and being human beings. But of course everyone knows that the main stream media is famously biased toward all things Anti-American. So I turned to the right-wing blogs to tell it like it is.

After reading the blogs of my friends from the right, I have barricaded my front door and installed search lights on top of my roof. The Illegals, Mexicans and Jihadis are expected to invade my neighborhood at any moment. I have stocked up on canned foods, water and duct tape. I am awaiting instructions from Debbie Schlussel as to what I should do next.

Now let me tell you why I am so panicked and what I read. Debbie Schlussel informs me that the Michigan Government has been taken over by Jihadis. In fact, the official Michigan web site apparently not only has documents in Spanish but also in Arabic. As Debbie tells it:

Our home state, Michigan, posts its webpage not just in en Espagnol, but in Arabic, too! All the better to welcome Jihadi illegal aliens to our country with open arms.

Our favorite items in Arabic:

* "Should I Be Suspicous?"

* "Description of DHS Administered Programs"

* Lots of Instructions on Getting IDs and SS#s, as well as Mucho Benefits (Maybe, it should be called "Fraud How-To Page in Arabic" )

Clearly this is a sign of Jihadi infiltration of our Government. Who knows what coded messages might be hidden in that Arabic text. And to think that the State is actually telling people how to apply for licenses and social security numbers - I am beside myself with this waste of tax payer funds. This is clearly a sign of the Apocalypse.

Debbie isn’t finished frightening me yet though. She also has a scoop about the nexus between Illegals and Jihadis in Detroit. After being informed by one of her readers that today was indeed May Day, Debbie also discerned a Communist plot. In true McCarthyite fashion she has also connected the dots between Illegals and Jihadis:

As we’ve lamented, in Michigan, illegal aliens are comprised by a significant number of Muslims, especially from the Middle East, many with Jihadi sympathies.

The only thing I am thankful for is that I live on the East Coast and this Jihadi horde seems to be concentrated in Detroit. But, I am keeping my eye out for any Arab I see. That Shakira and George Mitchell character have always raised my suspicions.

Back at the locust farm, Michelle Malkin is busy chronicling the events of the day. She’s got lots of links you’ll love if you love to hate. One of her links, however,  stands out head and shoulders above the rest.  Congressman Tom Tancredo imagines over at the National Review Online the many benefits of a day without illegal immigrants. He notes the many plusses in his wonderfully xenophobic world:

• Less people in hospital emergency rooms.
• Less people without health insurance.
• Fewer "anchor" babies born in American hospitals.
• Fewer gang members.
• Fewer child molesters.
• Fewer car thieves.
• Fewer methamphetamine addicts.
• Fewer murderers.
• Fewer murderers with suspended licenses.
• Less work for Border Patrol officers.
• States like Colorado would be much richer.
• Less overcrowded classrooms.
• Fewer high school drop-outs.
• Less overcrowded prisons.
• Fewer DUI arrests.
• Fewer SUV rollovers.
• More Americans working in construction.

Wow! Congressman Tancredo really hates undocumented aliens. I’m thinking of a world full of people just like Michelle Malkin, Debbie Schlussel and Tom Tancredo with Lou Dobbs to rule them all. What a wonderful world it would be. Then again, maybe not.

A fellow blogger referred me to this spirited defense of Michelle Malkin.

Once again I am humbled by my ignorance. I am such a moonbat and for that I am so so sorry.

Tucker Carlson capped off a day of hate in America on his show "The Situation" on MSNBC. Carlson interviewed terrorism expert Evan Kohlmann about the release of Jill Carroll. Carlson delivered the same tactic used all day by right wing commentators since the news of Jill Carroll’s release hit the airwaves this morning: Praise, Pivot and Attack. Here’s how it works:

1. Praise her release. Carlson begins the conversation with one obligatory sentence saying he is happy that she is free.
2. Pivot. The word to watch out for here is "but". But the really clever ones use something like "I hope it’s not true that…."
3. Attack. Carlson points out how she seems to be praising her captors. Perhaps she’s been brainwashed. Perhaps she is one of them. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Kohlmann tried a few times to bring balance to the discussion, but Carlson would not be moved off message. So, the day ended very much the way it began, with innuendo, accusations and, most of all, hate.

The hate was brimming over everywhere you looked on the right. To bring some order to the orgy of hate, I decided to take a sampling of some of the subtle, and not so subtle, attacks on Jill Carroll today. As you read these, keep an eye out for "Praise, Pivot and Attack".

I’ll begin at the beginning, with the National Review’s John Podhoretz (picked up by initially by Think Progress), Podhoretz writes in The Corner:

It’s wonderful that she’s free, but after watching someone who was a hostage for three months say on television she was well-treated because she wasn’t beaten or killed — while being dressed in the garb of a modest Muslim woman rather than the non-Muslim woman she actually is — I expect there will be some Stockholm Syndrome talk in the coming days. [Emphasis added by me]

Jonah Goldberg follows up his colleague at the end of the night (dispensing with the Praise and going straight to the Pivot):

But Jill Carroll is increasingly starting to bug me. The details are still murky and it’s hard to appreciate what she’s been through. And maybe JPod’s right about Stockholm syndrome. And maybe the media’s selectively choosing what to show of her statements. But it would be nice to hear her say something remotely critical of her captors, particularly about the fact that they murdered her translator in cold blood. I’m very glad she’s alive, but I’m getting a very bad vibe. More, no doubt, to come. [Emphasis added by me]

Michelle Malkin plays traffic cop for the right today and feigns (not too convincingly) some sympathy for Jill (and cleverly disguises the Praise, Pivot and Attack by turning it on its head):

In fairness to Carroll, a lot of people would say a lot of things they didn’t mean in those circumstances. Let’s see whether she defends it now. Assuming, that is, that anyone in the media bothers to ask her. [Emphasis added by me]

Little green footballs dispenses with the niceties and goes straight for the jugular:

Note that even after her release, Carroll maintained that she had been treated well by her captors—so it would appear that this journalist for the Christian Science Monitor made these anti-American comments voluntarily. [Emphasis added by me]

Debbie Schlussel puts the hate machine on overdrive. There was absolutely no need to pivot here since the title of her post was "So, Anti-American Jill was freed…". Here’s some of the bile from the first two paragraphs in the post (and it’s all downhill from here):

Why are so many people who claim to be patriotic Americans so overjoyed that Jill Carroll was freed, yet hardly a peep when American contractors and others were freed?

Here’s a clue for the obviously dimwitted. Why was Jill Carroll freed? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she HATES AMERICA and our Mid-East policy. And, oh yeah, she HATES ISRAEL, too.

 The above was a small sample of the hate that emanated from the right today. It was a shameful display of ignorance and prejudice. Today was not our finest day.

Why would the right make such a concerted effort to attack a woman who was just released from three months in captivity? What are they so afraid of that they could not help tripping over each other trying to insult, accuse, insinuate, and attack her?

Well, I think its quite simple. They are afraid of the truth. They are afraid of yet another voice that might tell America that the reality in Iraq is not the reality manufactured by the Administration. So, they are trying to inoculate themselves preemptively from what they fear Jill Carroll might say. Having lost the war in Iraq, they are fighting tooth and nail to maintain a toehold on their manufactured Iraqi fairy tale. And every reporter, be it Jill Carroll, Michael Ware, Lara Logan, Nic Robertson, Chris Allbritton or others on the ground in Iraq, who deliver what they see to the American public will be attacked mercilessly by these people. Their cause is a losing one and so they are getting more desperate in their attacks.

But, in the end, the story on March 30, 2006 was that Jill Carroll was freed. And as I finish this post I look out my window and see that it is already morning in America.