Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying

Intrepid warblogger Michelle Malkin has exposed the deception, the lies, the manipulation, the rumors that is the Associated Press today. This factanista of a blogger, this selfless wanderer, this hero to all journalists has saved the world from the lies and distortions that the Associated Press feeds unsuspecting millions every day.

For me personally, she nearly rivals the inimitable Debbie Schlussel for exposing the fake news that we are fed constantly by the so-called mainstream media and the liberal blogosphere.

It is with much admiration for her craft that I present to you, the humble reader, the truth in Iraq according to Ms. Malkin (but brace yourself, this will change everything):

WELL, the Iraqi Ministry of Interior says disputed Associated Press source Jamil Hussein does exist. But at least one story he told the AP just doesn’t check out: The Sunni mosques that as Hussein claimed and AP reported as "destroyed," "torched" and "burned and [blown] up" are all still standing. So the credibility of every AP story relying on Jamil Hussein remains dubious.

So what if the Associated Press actually was correct about a certain Mr. Jamil Hussein. So what if Ms. Malkin and her wingnut friends were embarrassed, nay, humiliated, by their wingnuttery. Now, the wingnuts are still standing just like those mosques in Iraq.

You see, apparently the Associated Press, in their initial version of the report on Sunnis being burned alive, claimed that mosques in the area had also been "destroyed" and subsequently changed "destroyed" to "burned". The reports I have read of the incident all use the word "burned" but Ms. Malkin states that the first report off the AP wire said "destroyed". I am too cheap to pay for Lexis/Nexis to verify the claim so I will just take her word for it.

This woman, Ms. Malkin that is, has been there and provides this bit of on-the-ground reporting that wimps like Michael Ware just are too afraid to provide:

Well, Bryan Preston and I visited the area during our Iraq trip last week. Several mosques did, in fact, come under attack by Mahdi Army forces. But the "destroyed" mosques all still stand. Iraqi and U.S. Army officials say that two of them received no fire damage whatsoever. Another, which we filmed, was abandoned and empty when it was attacked.

So, you see, the mosques were attacked, but not DESTROYED. They may have been burned, but they were not DESTROYED. Take that, Associated Press.

Obviously the Associated Press cannot be trusted since they said "destroyed" on one version of the story instead of "burned":

And if this one doesn’t, how many others don’t? As AP exec Carroll herself said, "AP runs hundreds of stories a day, and has run thousands of stories about things that have happened in Iraq." Jamil Hussein supplied the AP with information for scores of stories, not just this faulty one. Rumor-based reporting serves no one’s interests but those who would see Iraq fail.

The Associated Press and its rumor-based reporting only helps the enemy. I think it is time to reconsider the notion that Iraq is in turmoil. I think some fresh reporting from there might show that we are indeed being greeted as liberators and the flowers at our soldiers’ feet are piling up.

Of course, everyone knows that Iraqis are a lazy, lying, manipulative, rumor-mongering bunch of "fleas". As Michelle Malkin points out:

Winning the counterinsurgency battle is not just about keeping Iraqis safe. It’s about keeping Americans safe–by sending a message that the mightiest military in the world cannot and will not be outwitted and outlasted by the fleas.

And these "fleas" are in serious need of dentistry, according to a soldier quoted by Ms. Malkin:

"So, rumors on the street Iraqis will take at face value. Trying to get them to do investigations is like pulling teeth out of their head."

So, as you can see, Michelle Malkin, having been humiliated in the past, has finally broken up the Associated Press’ pattern of rumors and falsehoods. This is the kind of dogged reporting we should all encourage from our wingnut friends. I applaud Ms. Malkin for her trip to Iraq. Only sad part about her whole Iraq trip is that she has returned before the war has ended. I think all wingnuts should travel to Iraq and stay and report from there until the war is over. They would be doing this nation a service.

Oh, one more thing. Michelle Malkin’s reporting has inspired me. I was reading her wonderful post on this topic and started to carefully study the photographs she posted. I made an amazing discovery as demonstrated in the image below.

The picture on the left of the image is a portion of one of the pictures Ms. Malkin posted on her blog. The picture is a portion of a photograph taken in Baghdad showing a man speaking to Iraqi army officers. The picture to the right of the image is that of Bashar al-Assad, the president of Syria. I find the similarities between the man in the picture on the left and the picture of Assad on the right remarkably similar. Could it be that the Syrians have infiltrated the Iraqi army? Could it be that Assad is hiding out in Iraq? Could it? Doesn’t someone need to investigate this? Who on the wingnut blogosphere will take up this task? Who??? (By the way, if the guy turns out to be Assad, I want all the wingnuts to know that I broke the news first!) Now get to work exposing the truth!